Sunday, January 16, 2005

 

Evil Cyborgs Assimmilate Harvard!!!!!!!

You will be shocked to learn that Rebecca MacKinnon, of the Harvard Blogging, Journalism, & Credibility Conference at Harvard's Berkman Center, is...

AN EVIL CYBORG INTENT ON DEVOURING THE BLOGOSPHERE!!!! AND SHE EATS KITTENS!!!! REALLY, REALLY CUTE KITTENS!!!!

I heard this from this guy, you know. He's a real good guy. VERY reliable.

OH! Won't some prominent blogger pick this story up from this slapdash blog, so the story can duly ping around the blogosphere until it flies upwards, as if by MAGIC, into the Journalistic Credibility Stratosphere, to end up tickling Bob Novak's prostate so He, the Paladin of Credibility, might WARN THE WORLD about this threat to blogs!!!

And kittens.

OH! Won't some high-tier blogger (I'm looking at you, Mr. Reynolds!) RUN with this important story, and thus become the hero of the Blogosphere?

Hell, you won't even have to bother fact-checking this IMPORTANT STORY. That guy I know is really reliable, DARN trustworthy. Gets me a good deal on retread tires, too.

PLEASE!!!! WON'T YOU THINK OF THE KITTENS!!!

The kittens are ADORABLE and do not deserve to be eaten by an EVIL CYBORG!!!!

The blogosphere, eh, yeah, save that too, I guess.

Comments:
Oh no! Not the KITTENS?! If only someone would write a badly-researched and dishonest news story, THAT would really rock!
 
<o'reilly>

I'm the only one who sticks up for kittens! Dan Rather, you don't see him sticking up for kittens! You don't see Larry King sticking up for kittens!

</o'reilly>
 
I believe this is a hoax. I can prove it. I Tivo'd the segment where the kittens where in fact being eaten and could clearly see that the font being used on the kitten's tags was in arial. Kitten tags are not MADE WITH ARIAL!
 
Hey, now. Let's not engage in right-winger hatetoric, not until we get all the facts anyway. For instance, has it been completely established WHY she's eating these kittens? Now, I've got four cats and I've had plenty more, so I could see some good reasons for why Ms. Mackinnon would engage in such foul activities. Maybe you think that pee in your sugar bowl is cute, but I for one don't. Or maybe they keep getting in her way and tripping her. That's pretty irksome. Not that I'm encouraging or justifying her disgusting and evil ways, I'm just saying that maybe she has a side to this story too, even if she is an evil cyborg.

So let's wait until we hear from her before we start the attacks on these horrible revelations. (not that I'm endorsing this story in any way, I just thought people should hear about it, and let THEM decide)
 
You know what? They're idiots.

But they win.
 
You want to verify some sources like this retread guy I'd get Judith, "I was proved fucking right", Miller on this case.

How dare people with made up names attack the way the powers that be run the world? I mean they have "The H Bomb!"

"People"? I ain't "people." I am a - "a shimmering, glowing star in the blogoshere firmament."
 
I don't see what's wrong with eating kittens. It's not like we don't have plenty of kittens. Anyway, probably most of those kittens are pro-Saddam Hussein anyway, I bet. And Muslims and stuff. Christians like dogs. That's what I hear.
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
Bullcrap!!!!

If you pay close attention to the evidence you can clearly see that they are not really kittens. When you see Rebecca MacKinnon munching on those furballs, you could see that although they resemble calicoes, they really aren't. The space and length of the hairs does not really match that of calico kittens. After careful observation, I can pretty much state, without a shadow of a doubt, that they are genetically altered chihuahuas!!!

Anybody knows you can genetically alter a chihuahua in your basement with a computer, three spark plugs and a quart of Drano! I have consulted with a very good friend of mine, who spends the weekends genetically altering shit in the backyard, and he can prove they are chihuahuas. Who eats kittens, anyway?

So no, Rebecca doesn't eat kittens. The whole thing is preposterous! Dan Rather should resign! Wait a minute...
 
Bullcrap! Whether Ms. MacKinnon fiends for kittens or feasts on chihuahuas makes no difference. When will you people realize that WORDS HAVE MEANINGS and if you can't trust the blogger you came in with, that you can't trust anyone. Look, Julius Clitius, the revelations have been revealed, the truth has come out, and the cyborgs have spoken; so the onus is now upon Ms. Cyborg MacKinnon to defend herself to the death, or wallow in the ethical farce of her own doing. That's what this is all about.

We didn't invite her to this party. We're just all too willing to hang her for whatever the rumor mill will dish out. Not that I endorse the opinion that Ms. MacKinnon is a traitor to all mankind, but I'll sure as hell let everyone know about it. That's what blogging is all about. Digging the dirt and digging it fast.
 
I don't understand how these rumors get started myself. Fortunately, responsible bloggers were able to kill the vile rumor that Bush fucks goats.

Another victory for ethical blogging!
 
Stupid bleeding heart leftists. If someone didn't stand up to the kittens -- or, well, more like sit down to the kittens and tuck in a napkin really -- SADDAM WOULD STILL BE IN POWER.
 
By all the comments and attention, I can see that Ethics Is on the March, much like freedom!

I would weep with joy, but that would be, like, uncool. And might startle the kittens!
 
But I notice that Rebecca hasn't denied eating kittens, nor has she condemned the eating of kittens!

And Bush hasn't denied fucking goats, nor does he condemn goat-fucking.

What can this mean?
 
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Since I benefit from the untimely death of these winsome, heartbreaking creatures I must abstain from any activity that might reduce the availibility of fresh kitten corpses for me to revive and enchance with anti-cyborg cyborg technology.

Dr. Snausage
 
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Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

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